


Silly Sexy EGS One-Shots

by Zee_McZed



Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: Alternate Universes, Awkward situations, Drabbles, F/F, F/M, Fairy dolls, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Implied incestuous lust, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Not especially serious, Quasidubcon, Squirting, Suggestive as heck, Transformation, discussions of polyamory, gender bending, one shots, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 00:32:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5313035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zee_McZed/pseuds/Zee_McZed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The evil twin to Silly EGS One-Shots. This one's going to have all the whatnot that Dan gracefully tiptoes around, so watch out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Certain Store (Possibly Canontimelineish?)

**Author's Note:**

> You know Silly EGS One-Shots? If not, go read that first. 
> 
> Through that already? Good. So you get the idea of what this is - silly one-shots set in the `verse of El Goonish Shive, either in the canon timeline or an offshoot. Unlike the main `fic, this one is entirely questionable or flat out NSFW entries. Consider yourself warned! :D 
> 
> Also - if a chapter takes place in an alternate timeline (which it very well might!) it will be noted in the title.

Elliot took a deep breath. He could do this. It was outside of town. He wouldn't bump into anyone he knew - and even if he DID... no, that wasn't something to think of. He just closed his eyes, and focused... and two seconds later, a pinkette stared at him in the rearview mirror. 

Stared at her. Whichever. The girl who had been Elliot mere seconds later hopped out of the car, slamming the door behind her. She was sure that no one would recognize her - she'd worn that form twice before. Once at the mall with Ashley, and once around a few of her friends (just for the heck of it). So the clerks certainly wouldn't know her, nor would any bystanders... 

No one carded her when she walked in. No one seemed to care. She let her eyes scan the racks briefly, before making a beeline to what she wanted. 

There were two aisles of them. Fat and thin, some the size of her thumb and some the length of her arm. Some anatomically correct, some completely abstract. Dildos. Vibrators. Sex toys of every stripe. She felt her cheeks go red, but didn't think about it too hard. No, she just reached for the first one that grabbed her attention... and felt someone else's hand hit it first. Someone she didn't realize was even ON the asile. Elliot (Ellie?) took a glance over, and regretted it immediately. 

There was only ONE girl around that looked like that. And it was his (HER) best friend. 

Who was also currently female. 

"Te-"

"El-" Both lapsed into silence. 

"Sooo..." Ellie mumbled.

"Yeah." Tess piped up. She tapped the box she'd picked up on her shoulder. "Looking for-" 

"Yeah. I... I just... um..." She fidgeted, looking down. Tess swallowed hard. 

"I don't think you'd like the rabbit."

"Huh?" 

"This thing." Tess waggled the boxed toy. "You only get the clit massager thing when it's in you all the way, and then you don't get the feel of the... the thrusting, you know?" 

"Oh. OH. So - why are you-"

"Grace likes `em. Don't ask me." She shrugged. "But, uh - do you think you'd like some..."

"Definitely. I'm in over my head already." She laughed. Okay. So maybe the shopping trip WOULDN'T be incredibly painful.


	2. The List (AU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! SOME CRACKSHIPPING OCCURS IN THIS CHAPTER. You have been warned. 
> 
> Also, I'm super-open for ideas for further chapters, so feel free to shoot me requests, suggestions, or the like in comments!

"Have you ever thought about a list?" 

"Of what?" Ellen raised an eyebrow, staring at her girlfriend. Nanase snickered. 

"A list of people who you get a free pass at if they want to have sex. No guilt, no repercussions. I get one with the same number of people." Ellen's eyes widened a little. 

"Is this just a thought experiment?"

"Not really. I've heard of people doing it before, and they almost always pick celebrities they have a crush on. Buuut..." She scratched at the back of her head, and Ellen slowly sat upright, head lifting from Nanase's lap.

"But you're thinking about a serious, no-kidding list?"

"Kind of?"

"You're probably going to find out way too much about me from this."

"No such thing." She leaned in, tapping her forehead against Ellen's, still grinning. "C'mon. It'll be fun. At the very least it might dredge up a few fantasies..."

"Oh, fine. But you asked for it..."

Paper was found. Pencils were also discovered some seconds later. Thinking occurred. Both turned to the other.

"So how do we do this?" Ellen asked.

"Just... read them off, one at a time?"

"Okay. Like... at the same time, or-"

"Basically. Once we've covered one, we go to the next."

"Okay, so... Grace."

"Grace." Nanase's face was unreadable. Ellen just snickered. 

"Who didn't see that one coming?" 

"Yeah. Plus I think I've seen her naked more than I've seen you naked. And that... is definitely saying something." She gave her seated girlfriend's rear a goose, and Ellen's barely-restrained laughter turned into a full on giggle. 

"It'll probably never happen, but I guess it's a fun thought- hey, stupid question. You get a free pass if one of these people wants to sleep with you, but what if they want to do it more than once?"

"Again, free pass. These don't expire." Ellen's eyebrows raised a little.

"...rock on. So, my next one's Carol."

"I picked Diane - wait, Carol? Like, Sarah's sister?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay. Well, she IS kind of a bombshell."

"And I've replayed the time that Heidi kissed her like a dozen times. She got really blushey and flustered. It was kinda cute."

"...didn't notice that. So you think..."

"Maybe? Like a one in five shot?" She shrugged. "But - Diane?"

"She's got Susan's sexiness wrapped in a package without her OCD and a comfort with her level of sexuality. I'm sure she's straight, but if she wanted to experiment, it... could be fun." 

"Heh. Make it into a cuckolding fantasy and she'd probably do it even if she's nominally straight."

"Ellen!" She slugged her shoulder. "Come on, she's not THAT bad."

"She totally is." The brunette smirked, rubbing her shoulder - even playfully, Nanase hit hard. "Okay... last one on my list is Tedd." Nanase's cheeks went redder. "What? He's sexy. Say what you will, I've kiiiind of wanted to pin him to the wall since I-"

"No, it's -" She sighed, and turned her paper over. 

"Nooooo."

"Yeah."

"You wanna be kissing cousins with-"

"No! I-" Nanase bit her lip. "Tedd would never do anything with me. He's got this... mental block about me, either because he just thinks that incest is that icky or because he's trying to fit in with what few rules of society he cares about." She leaned to one side. "But whenever he's Tess..."

"You wanna do things to her?"

"God, yes. And she's perverted enough that it'd be memorable..."

"Okay. So... based on this list, we have to do three things. First, admit that our friends are kind of crazy sexy."

"Done."

"Two, we need to get some of those watches from Tedd with the clone forms." Ellen smiled a little wider, and Nanase swallowed hard. 

"You really want to?"

"I'm up for a little roleplaying if you are. Maybe a little Tess-on-Tess action could be interesting." She clicked her tongue, and Nanase's cheeks went nuclear.

"And... the third?"

"...we need to figure out how Tedd feels about polyamory." And that was when Nanase broke down into laughter, and launched herself at her girlfriend.


	3. Somewhat Pent Up (Canon Timeline)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan is severely pent up. Her subconscious decides that is a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT AHOY! This isn't the chapter I thought I'd be putting out (I have two others I've been nudging around) but I think it's pretty good. As always, enjoy - and if you have a suggestion or request for another short, shoot me an ask at ZeeMcZed.tumblr.com.

She could feel the urge rising. It happened, from time to time. She was a teenager. She was hormonal. However, she was also warm and cozy under the covers, and she wasn't about to go through her pre-masturbatory routine before school; for one, she wouldn't have enough time, and for another, she was sure that the urge would fade before then. 

Oh, sure, it was a strong urge. There were images flitting through her head left and right, little shreds of a fantasy here and there, nothing too concrete. Just enough jumbled what-ifs that she was good and aroused. And yes, it had probably been a week since she'd allowed herself time for the whole routine. Still, she'd need to lock her door, get naked, get a towel and lay it out, and - she shuddered all over. Oh. Oh, that felt... good. Susan closed her eyes. Maybe the urge was stronger than she thought. Because she swore... she swore that she could feel...

Susan bit back a moan. She could feel it. Something... touching her. There. Feathery-soft and repeated, around her clit, never actually atop it. And another touch, like a - her eyes popped wide. She sat upright. The sensations did not abate. And - 

"Damn it, Nase." The fairy doll was going to town on herself, naked, panting. She didn't even know the fairy dolls could pant. "I can't. I... I don't have time for thi-i-ohhhFUCK~!" Susan found herself buckling over, breathing heavily herself, as the doll tugged sharply on both her teats, stretching them until they hurt, and then releasing them. "You can't..." Nase gave her an incredulous look. The sort of look that said 'I know you're kidding yourself'. She shook her head. "No. I really... really don't have t-" She hissed, as Nase slipped a finger into herself. Another. "No." She could feel everything. Nase's look had changed from incredulous to mischievous. "You - no. You wouldn't dare." Susan hissed, gritting her teeth. Nase rolled over, pointing her tush towards Susan. The larger girl tried to get out of bed - intending to grab the doll, or stop her - but she froze. 

Nase was about to do it. 

She could feel her finger tracing circles around her pucker, the doll giving out tiny breathy sounds - again, something she wasn't sure she could DO. Nase never spoke unless Susan was 'riding' her. "Nase, that's... that's disgusting...!" And yet, the doll had no colon, no digestive sysDAMN YOU LOGIC, it was still disgusting! And the sensation of her finger inside her, flicking over her most sensitive spots with surgical precision had her drenched, and - 

She went stiff. The finger was - it was going inside. Inside the out-chute. And a second finger, stretching, and - 

**BOOM.**

It was too late. She could feel herself going over the edge, shaking and gasping, and - yes, squirting. All inside her pajama pants. Drenching herself... she just... hadn't unsummoned her in time. Susan nearly collapsed on the ground, her breathing ragged, eyes wide. Every muscle in her legs was twitching and try as she might, she couldn't slow her breathing, and - she winced as the sensation of wet fabric clinging to her finally registered.

Great. So much for skipping the shower...

-o-

Her mother had been gone; no one had heard the unsummoning. Perhaps the neighbors, but they'd chalk it up to some kid getting their hands on fireworks. The day had gone as normal, and Susan got home at the typical time. 

And summoned the fairy.

"...We need to talk." Nase looked unimpressed. "Look, I know you're... semi-autonomous and technically a part of me, but that was... what was that?" Nase pointed at her. "I didn't need to get off that badly!" Her head tilted to one side. "Okay, so I was pent up. The physical side of my release doesn't excuse it." Nase didn't move, hovering in place. "What do you MEAN I - I didn't like it!" Nase squinted. "Okay, yes, my body REACTED strongly, but - I -" Nase buzzed up to Susan and flicked her nose. "Hey! I - are you seriously -" Nase pointed at herself. At Susan. _I'm you._ A beat passed. Susan slumped. "...just... the idea of anything back there..." Nase crossed her arms. "...fine. Fine, I'm in denial about it. Ugh. What do you want me to do?" Nase smiled a little, gesturing upwards in a vague way that would mean nothing to anyone else. "More often. Just - that's it?" Nase nodded. Susan continued to slump. "But I'm not touching my butt. I know what comes out of there." Nase stuck out her tongue. The message was clear. _That's why you have me, stupid!_

Susan did her best to not think of it. Nase was her little buddy, her partner in introspection. That was all. Her subconscious did not have a foothold on her otherwise.

And yet, as she slid into bed, she could feel feathery-soft touches to her thighs.


	4. The Sexy Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah, Ellen, and Justin play a game.

"Nanase in a maid outfit. French maid, if it needs to be said." A pencil was balanced on Sarah's nose. Ellen, conversely, was upside-down on the bench, feet over the back. 

"...hmm... one-up that. Nanase and Fox in matching maid outfits."

"Why do I have a feeling you've actually seen that?"

"Nah. That would be cheating." Though it hadn't been far off... "Your go."

"Okay. Whaaat about... Sensei Greg, oiled up in a speedo?"

"I can see the appeal, but I don't think it tops the double-Nanase smackdown. Once you really know him, any thought of sexy goes out the window."

"Oof. Definitely disagree. Shirtless-Greg is-"

"What are you two doing?" Justin paused, setting down the stack of folded longboxes.

"The Sexy Game." Ellen's tone implied that said everything he needed to know.

"...which is?" Clearly it didn't.

"Pick someone that all the players know, in a sexy outfit. Pairs are allowed, but discouraged unless it really makes sense. First person to come up with something that no one else can beat wins."

"Oh. So, if I was to say 'Tedd in knee-high, clunky latex boots, thigh-high fishnets, a garter belt, and a smile'....?" Neither girl spoke. Sarah looked as if she had swallowed a bottle of Insanity Sauce. Ellen's eyes were wide as saucers, head tilted to one side. Justin just snickered, picking up his boxes. "See you at Magic tonight, then?"

"Yyyyeah. Gonna just... go home and take a long shower first. A long, cold shower."

"...we can never play this game again."


	5. On Matters Of Clones (Somewhat Pent Up timeline)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nanase and Susan discuss matters pertaining to their subconscious-controlled duplicates, and the term 'One Shot' becomes dubious. A continuation of the chapter 'Somewhat Pent Up'.

"...I'm still getting used to it." Susan looked a little tired, a little groggy. The coffee was clearly helping. Nanase raised an eyebrow as she shut the car door. 

"You don't say." The reaction was a muted scowl. 

"You don't have a piece of your subconscious intruding on your sex life - or lack thereof."

"Wellll..." Nanase shrugged; the color drained from Susan's face as she tried to focus on her driving. That said, some comments - some implications - just beg a response.

"You and Fox. Really." Flat. Disbelieving. One eye squinted slightly. 

"Like you're surprised?"

"But how does Ellen... do..."

"Well, Ellen's been a... part of things. Sometimes it's just me and Fox, though. I mean, she's ME."

"She's a tiny part of your mind, personified and wedged into a clone body of yourself. One that, if I'm not mistaken, you can control."

"Only if I really want to. Otherwise, she does what she wants." Nanase tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Susan just shook her head, pausing at a stop sign.

"You make it sound like she's becoming her own person." Nanase glanced up. The relative quiet in the car - the smooth jazz playing over NPR was muted at best, and the engine had never been the loudest. "No. No, you are not - you aren't going to tell me that your magic clone is starting to become a person!" 

"It's not out of the realm of possibility. She's started taking... interest in things I haven't been fond of." 

"Such as?" 

"Mild sauce, for one." 

"You'll have to extrapolate there." She turned down a back street, slowing down. 

"It's this... german condiment? Kind of sweet, but with a little curry taste to it. I think it's okay, but it's not something I use a lot... and Fox uses it whenever it'd feasibly go with whatever she's eating."

"Your clone EATS." 

"Yeah." She seemed unperturbed by the statement. 

"HOW? Where - when she vanishes, where does it go?" 

"I kind of assumed the energy gets absorbed into me somehow? It's not like a pile of half-digested fo-"

"DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE." Susan groaned, sticking out her tongue. "Just... ick."

"Sorry, sorry!" Nanase held up her hands sheepishly. "Uh - the point is, she's a lot more complex than just another-magic-me. And... well, some of the ways she's reacting lately have me wondering."

"...go on."

"Like... when we're lying around and doing..." She broke off. "...not a lot, she'll ask me things. And... it just feels natural in the moment, but why would someone who's ME ask me for my opinion?"

"On?" Nanase was quiet a second. 

"I'm kind of dancing around things because I don't want to load you up with too much information. If you want me to, I'll say it, but-"

"No, I'm curious now. Go on."

"...I could have guessed. We're going away from the store." Nanase chewed her lip. "So... Fox has different... tastes from me in bed. She'll play at submission and dominance, but she's really fond of starting as one and shifting to the other - blurring lines, you know? And she has a huge oral fixation."

"...uh huh." Susan sounded... interested? Not grumpy. Just listening. That was intriguing. 

"And most of the time if we're in the afterglow, she'll ask me about things I might want to try, or things... things I haven't even considered. And it just makes me wonder now..."

"Well... you can ask her if you like. That might be the best way to figure it out." It was that or ask Tedd, and he wasn't there. 

"Yeah. Hey, pull out on the freeway."

"The - why?"

"It might be a long conversation. But if anyone asks, it's because I suddenly had a craving for Indian food."

"The Husky Elephant?"

"The Husky Elephant." Nanase nodded - and Fox leaned in from the backseat.

"Chicken Tikka?"

"Sure." Nanase shrugged. "So, you know what we're talking about..."

"I'm growing." Her tone was matter of fact, as if it spoke for itself. 

"Za?" Susan squinted. Clearly not.

"Well, it - I feel it. I'm getting bigger. In there." She gestured to Nanase's head - and the identical girl in the front seat flushed. 

"...how?"

"I'unno." 

"That was a little less helpful than I was hoping for." Susan mused. 

"Well, we can always check the spellbook later..." 

"We're getting off topic, guys!" Fox pouted.

"And that topic would be-"

"CHICKEN TIKKA!" Fox grinned ear to ear. And neither of the other passengers could bear to make another comment.


	6. Truth or Horrible Consequences!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE GOING INTERACTIVE HERE. The EGS crew sits down to play a game...

The door locked with a CLACK. Sarah sat down, exhaling sharply. Mister Verres wouldn't be back until noon tomorrow. More than long enough. Their phones were silenced, the house secure. "We're doing this, aren't we?" The lights were just bright enough to see clearly, the room warm. Her friends were surrounding her, crowded about the couch and recliner in Tedd's basement. Grace nodded. It was time to kick this party into truly uncomfortable levels of overdrive. She picked up a pair of oversized chip bowls, each half-full of folded slips of paper, and 'stirred' them each, tossing the papers up and catching them as a chef might with a wok of fried rice. 

"One bowl full of horrifying questions, one full of worse penalties. The game... is Truth, or HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES." A dramatic peal of thunder split the air. Tedd swallowed hard, hands on his knees. Susan cleared her throat. 

"So how exactly are we going to do this? Most of those questions you had us write are directed at one person or another..."

"Okay, it's simple." Grace stood, the sheer ominous presence draining from her face. "When it's your turn, you pick a question. Then you read it to whoever the question's addressed to... if it's more than one person, you get to pick the target. That person has to answer truthfully, or grab a HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCE and perform it for our enjoyment." She beamed. Elliot grimaced.

"...if you'd told me that was what we were doing, I would have picked different consequences." 

"Well, duh. I had to keep the game vague until-"

"Wait, what if you draw a question for yourself?" Ellen raised an eyebrow. Nanase nodded - it was a good point.

"Then you have to read it aloud and answer it. But after you've answered two, you can toss a question back and draw again until you get one for someone else... or ask someone else your question if you think it applies." Her grin turned almost manic. Justin raised a hand.

"And if someone doesn't answer honestly?"

"That's why we have the Universal Lie Detector. Picked it up from Mister Verres' office, and while it's not admissible in court, it works great!" She pulled a tiny box with a huge red light bulb from her pocket and set it up. "And I've already tested it, so we should be good." Ashley picked it up briefly.

"So if I was to say 'I think Ranma 1/2 is sub-par at best-'" BZZZZT. The exact same sound as the buzzer from Operation, but with a brighter bulb. "...wow, I can see why he didn't want this around the house."

"Yeeeeeah. So, who wants the first draw?" All eyes centered on the bowls. Ellen's hand lashed out first, and she plucked one from the top of the pile. There was momentary silence as she read - and then giggled. 

"Question for... let's do this one for Elliot. Stockings or tights, and why?" Elliot looked confused.

"I think they both look good-"

"On you?" His expression blanked out. RIGHT. Of course that would be the intent of the question.

"Uh... stockings. It's easier to use the bathroom with them, and I think they look a little cuter." Truth, though he didn't mention that he thought they looked super-sexy. That wasn't enough to tip the bulb, though... and no one pressed...

"Zettai ryouki is love." Ashley nodded, arms folded. "If we just got you some glasses, the effect would be unbelievable." He didn't hesitate before grabbing another slip - hoping to avoid being probed further on the topic. 

"For... Grace? Is there anyone in the room that you wouldn't make out with if they asked?" 

"Nope!" All eyes widened a little. "I mean, I'm happy with Tedd and I'd never cheat, but if we agreed to it ahead of time? I think I could easily get down with smooching every one of you. I mean, Sarah and I have already-"

"GRACE!" Sarah blurted, her face reddening already.

"-I know, I know, I didn't know it was you, it doesn't count, but still! I think if butt grabbing is involved, it should count at least a little." Sarah's face was unreadable, the horror etched into her features. Grace seemed to not notice. "Though I guess I'd have to go Male V4 or V5 for Justin, just to make sure he was interested. Or possibly for Susan." The silence that stretched on for seconds afterwards could only be attributed to one thing: Everyone thinking rather hard about baseball. Grace shrugged, reaching for a slip...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT WILL GRACE DRAW?  
> HOW BAD DO THE QUESTIONS GET?  
> WHAT WILL FORCE SOMEONE TO GO FOR THE HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES?  
> SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS AND PENALTIES, AND WE'LL FIND OUT - THE ASKBOX AT ZEEMCZED.TUMBLR.COM IS OPEN!


	7. Truth or HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES - Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game continues! (Interactive chapter, questions furnished by the Venerable Grandmaster C.C.S. and Yd12k. Want the crew to answer your questions or try to dodge them and run into your HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES? Submit them at ZeeMcZed.tumblr.com, or leave them in the comments!)

"Alright, alright... this one's forrrr..." She dug into the pile of questions, and all eyes focused on Grace. Her tongue stuck out in concentration. She rummaged. The only sound was the shuffling of tiny slips of folded paper. Her hand withdrew, question in hand. The anticipation as she unfolded it was palpable. Ashley was VIBRATING- "Sarah!" The blonde squeaked. "If you had to spend twenty-four hours looking like someone in the room, who would you pick?" Sarah blinked a few times. 

"That's not nearly as bad as I anticipated."

"Well, they aren't ALL horribly explicit." Grace beamed. Ellen just snickered.

"Mine are."

"Then we know who to blame when we get a dirty one." Sarah deadpanned. Actually, it was kind of easy to tell who wrote what question - that one was probably Tedd's, judging by the super-neat, squashed handwriting. "Uh... I'd go for Grace, probably. I'm starting to get comfortable in her skin, and I spend enough time using her clone form by now." 

"You do?" Nanase straightened. "Do I want to know what you guys are getting up to in the lab?"

"Nothing - nothing like that!" Sarah sputtered. "I just - we've got a lot of clone form watches, and I start fidgeting while I wait for results to come in, and-"

"And she tries them out." Grace finished, shrugging. The lie detector hadn't buzzed once - though it had flickered ominously at the 'nothing like that'. Before anyone could say anything else, Sarah thrust her hand into the bowl, grabbing the first question she could. 

"For - for Justin. Who was your first comic book crush?" Justin's head cocked to one side.

"I assume this means comic character, not creator?" 

"Yes." Susan clarified - that answered the unasked question of who penned the question. 

"Uh, jeez... this is going to be kind of embarrassing..." He scratched the back of his head. "Link."

"...wait, we said comic, not video game."

"Yeah, but there was an adaptation. I read it a lot when I was a kid, and... I... really liked him. A lot. He was a bit androgynous, but mostly just sexy-masculine in the best way." 

"...I can see it." Sarah mused. He probably wanted to play with his hair. Justin rummaged, and drew another one. 

"For Susan. What's the weirdest thing you've ever done with Little Nase? Or... any of your dolls, I guess?" Seemed like a pretty safe one. Then again, any of the questions presented to Susan-

"I pass." She swore, you could hear the eyes widening. 

"Really?" Justin shifted in his seat.

"Someone has to break the proverbial virginity of the dare jar. It might as well be me." There was no verbal response. Justin shrugged and reached for the other bowl. 

"...Kiss the person of your choice. With tongue. Do your best to... ignite their toes? Seriously, who wrote th-" His words were cut off as Susan grabbed him, dipped him, and planted lips to lips. Jaws dropped. There was a less-than-subtle CLICK as Ashley snapped a picture of the snog. And when she released him, she remained cool as a cucumber, but for a dusting of red across her cheeks.

"Toe-igniting?"

"Nope." He managed to mumble. "But that was one of the best kisses I've ever had, so I'll give you half points. Wow." Susan allowed herself a little smirk.

"Pity. Also, since that was a Bloom County quote, I'm going to guess that Grace wrote that..."

"How - what the crazy crap crackers?" Grace blurted. "I thought Ellen and Nanase were the detectives here!"

"They are. But you left the Billy and the Boingers Bootleg disk on your record player last week. No shame in it - he's a great cartoonist. Not... sure about the music, granted..." She drew a question as she spoke, and unfurled it. 

"For anyone with a magic spell... we'll go for Nanase then. What is your... sexiest spell, and why? Be..." She squinted. "I think this is supposed to say 'gratuitous', but there's an extra 'u' in there." She glanced at Ellen, who blinked twice. Nope. Not hers. Interesting...

"Fox is. I mean, the clothing swap spell IS handy. Six or seven hair ties and I can strip just about anyone naked, though I then have to take the extra layers off myself. But Fox is..." She drummed her fingers on the coffee table. And out of nowhere, the clone of her jumped in, pouncing on Nanase and squeezing her. 

"My lover." Fox cooed. 

"Yeah, that." Nanase consented. Elliot cocked his head to one side.

"Za?!" 

"Uh - well, we've talked with Susan about it, and Ellen-"

"And Tedd a little!" Fox beamed. Nanase's head whipped around.

"When?"

"She talked to me. You weren't around." Tedd scratched the back of his neck. "That was... a little awkward, yeah..."

"Wow. Uh - I guess that things are going faster than we thought." Fox nodded. Elliot raised a hand.

"Question stands, then - za?!"

"She's, uh... either her spell is getting more complex, and she's gained sentience-"

"Or I'm a split personality with a body of my own, which is kind of freaky." Fox shrugged. "Either way the end result is the same!" Tedd VISIBLY bit his tongue. "It means that whenever I'm out, I can act REALLY on my own, and the sex is awesome. Plus since I was born out of Nanase's subconscious I know about fantasies she doesn't know she had!" Nanase nodded, and drew another question - that was probably gratuitous enough. They were just starting. 

"Question for... Tedd. If you could make out with one guy, who would it be?" Tedd's face reddened. "Wait, tiny script at the bottom - and you can't pick a girl that's been morphed."

"Crap." He squeezed Grace's hand. She giggled. 

"Go on, then..."

"Uh... given the two guys with me in the room, I-" He mumbled something under his breath, then pointed to the dare jar. Ellen just burst out laughing. Nanase shook her head, grabbing a dare, and her face went excessively red. 

"Can I redraw?"

"No." Ellen, Grace, Sarah, and Justin spoke as one. Nanase cleared her throat.

"Uh... 'Make out with Fox for three minutes. Let her do what she wants.'" Nanase stared at her cousin, then back at her clone - who she realized just a second later looked like she was looking forward to this...

\---

HOW FAR WILL THE SNOGGING GO?  
HOW LONG UNTIL SOMEONE ENDS UP NAKED?  
YOU DECIDE!  
SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS AND DARES IN THE COMMENTS, OR AT ZEEMCZED.TUMBLR.COM IN THE ASK BOX!


	8. Truth or HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES Forever!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game continues! Questions and dares by Exalted Grandmaster C.C.S., an Anon from Tumblr, and Anons from the EGS thread on 4chan's /aco/ board.

Fox crawled towards Tedd on all fours, grinning at him. The purple haired boy scooted back a little. "Do I get a say in this?"

"Well, you would. But you just passed on the Truth, so... Horrible Consequence it is." Sarah beamed at him. "Better be more honest next time! This is pretty tame compared to some of the dares in there."

"How do you know th-" Tedd's words were cut off as he was pounced, hands sliding to his shoulders, and Fox kissed him. It was not shy, not restrained, not anything beyond a full-on snog. She released a little sigh as her tongue slid into his mouth, hands tracing up his sides. Ellen's jaw hit the floor. 

"...I know you said you wanted t-" She was silenced by Nanase thwapping her in the stomach with her off hand. For a second, it looked like she was going to stop Fox - and then her face went redder than Tedd's. She clamped both hands over her own mouth, eyes going wide. Justin smirked. 

"You just tried to go first-person mode, didn't you?"

"Little bit."

"And?"

"Uh..." Fox's hands were roaming, and - the kiss broke, and Tedd released a breathy, soft moan as her lips caressed his neck, and then she BIT. And-

"Time." Grace's phone beeped at her. Fox pouted. 

"Awww... really?"

"Yep. Blame the consequence-er, not the timekeeper." Fox licked her lips as she headed back and curled up between Ellen and Nanase, looking spectacularly pleased with herself. She winked at Nanase.

"You're welcome." She whispered, just loud enough for everyone to hear. If Elliot and Ashley didn't have their jaws scraping the floor then, that would have done it. Tedd cleared his throat.

"Not... too bad, for my ugly cousin-" The lie detector BUZZed. Grace THWAPped his forehead.

"You know you can stop pretending you don't think she's cute. We know the truth."

"Hard to miss that truth." Ashley's eyes were pointedly not on Tedd's face. He glanced around - then down - and yelped as both hands went over his crotch.

"When did you take my pants off?!" Fox just stuck her tongue out. Susan coughed. 

"Bikini cut panties."

"...y-yes! They're comfy!" He blurted.

"And they actually cover everything. If you're going for feminine undergarments, you've picked the best ones shy of boyshorts for your situation." Tedd wasn't sure what to say about that. Susan was blushing, but not staring - did she really not care about the - of course she didn't care about his erection, she was Susan. He reached for the jar, hand shaking a little. 

"For Grace... only for Grace, I guess, uh -" His eyes bulged. "Come on, really?!" 

"What?" Grace cocked her head to the side.

"Have..." His voice deadened as he read it. "Have you ever had sex with Tedd while he's morphed into a duplicate of yourself, and if so, which form?" He flopped back, arms splaying out. 

"Dude, for what it's worth, we already know you and Grace are..." Elliot trailed off.

"Like BUNNIES." Justin finished for him.

"Eh, guilty." Grace shrugged. "So to answer the question, yes, several different forms - squirrely, human, Claire, and Friday Special-"

"Friday what now?" Sarah straightened. 

"-and also while I was transformed into a copy of him a few times. Girly and Original Flavor. We've thought about clone forms of others, but only those we have the explicit permission from, so that would just include Sarah and Susan, but even then..." She shrugged. "It's not an everyday thing, or even an every-week thing, just something we've had fun with." 

"But seriously, Friday Special?" Sarah pushed. Grace didn't answer, just digging for the next question. 

"Forrrr... this one's for Justin! Butt stuff: Yes or no?" She tilted her head to the side. "Butt Stuff? Really?"

"Kind of a broad category there. Uh - yeah, I'm interested. I've never had the chance to explore it, but I hear a lot of people like how it feels."

"...not even by yourself?" Ellen prodded. AH. One of hers, then. 

"Nope. Not yet, anyway." She peered over at the lie detector. It hadn't blinked. Justin rummaged, and came up with another slip.

"For... Elliot. Have you ever masturbated with Ellen in the - oh, c'mon, really? I know they share a room, but really?" Ashley tried her best to look nonchalant. "-in the room. If so, when? COME ON, GUYS." 

"Uh..." He coughed, his face going incredibly red. 

"...no. You really-"

"Dare me." 

"SERIOUSLY?"

"Dare, please." Elliot repeated. Justin just shook his head.

"Kinky bunch of motherfuckers around here." He grumbled, clearly mostly joking. A dare slip was procured. "Uh... wow. This one's spicy."

"How bad is it?" Elliot grimaced. Justing just shook his head and handed Elliot the slip of paper. 

"Secret dare. It won't trigger for a while." He read it - then cleared his throat and nodded. 

"Got it." He tucked it away in a pocket, to a chorus of 'awwww' from the rest of the assembled group. Still, from his expression, it wasn't exactly tame. He drew again.

"For... Susan? Name every person you've ever kis-"

"Dare." Elliot blinked. He didn't comment, just reached for the dare bowl. "Uhhh..."

"I promise I won't hammer you. Unless you wrote the dare." She was teasing him in that perfectly calm, inscrutable way she did. 

"...Take off one article of clothing. Whenever someone else removes any clothing for the rest of the night, you have to take off another article - for example, if someone strips naked, you shed one more piece of clothing. You can only put clothes back on if a dare requires you to." All eyes were on Susan. She glanced down at herself. 

"I should have worn my coat downstairs." She pulled her sweatshirt off, leaving her in jeans and a sleeveless blouse - still modest. Still cute. But certainly showing a little more skin. Grace scooted over to the wall and dialed up the thermostat a little. Tedd coughed. 

"...if anyone wants to put any pre-emptive veto's on the process, now is probably the time." Susan thought a moment - then shook her head. 

"Somehow, I think this night is going to end with none of us clothed. I will cope." So long as she didn't have to get TOO physical with others - she was alright with kissing (as long as it was this group) but she wasn't sure if she could handle much more. The thought was shunted aside. She drew another card.

"For Ashley-"

"Dare!" Susan blinked. Well. This was escalating quickly. She pulled the dare card, pocketing the first. 

"Hm. The one reading this dare must pick a form on the TF gun and transform you. You must keep the form on until the game ends, or another dare requires you to transform." Ashley thrust a victorious fist in the air. Susan resisted the urge to giggle - just barely. She retrieved the gun and examined it, dialing through the loaded settings. "Hm... Fv5, Mv4... Gillian Anderson, Revised..." She gave Tedd a glance. He did not meet her gaze. "...Iv1? What's this one?" Grace's smile faded to a 'oh crud'. 

"Susan, you might not want to-" Too late. She'd pulled the trigger. There was a sharp ZAK, and - Ashley still looked like Ashley. Maybe a hair bustier, but not much. Susan tilted her head to one side. 

"That was underwhelming."

"S-says you." Ashley squeaked, hands sliding under her skirt. "You don't have something that's getting PINCHED now..." Susan looked confused for a moment - then slapped her forehead.

"Intersex variant one?" Grace nodded.

"There really isn't a reason to stick to a single gender for these forms. I haven't polished this one yet... it's still really experimental. So, uh... if anything gets weird with it, I'll be changing you back, dare or no." Ashley nodded.

"I can't see how much weirder it can get." Her hands slid out from her skirt - evidently arraying herself was not THAT hard. She pulled a slip before anyone could ask to see.

"Ooookay... Ellen? What was the last fantasy you got off to, and where were you?" The brunette groaned.

"Of course I'd have to get one of my own questions."

"...well?" Ashley probed. "Inquiring minds want to know!"

"If you must..." She gave Ashley a decidedly salacious grin. "I was in bed. At 1 AM last night." A few faces drooped. Elliot had been home last night... he'd been in the room for that. "As for my fantasy..."

-o-

HOW FAR PAST THE BOUNDARIES OF GOOD TASTE WILL THIS STRETCH?  
WHAT EMBARRASSING SECRETS WILL BE REVEALED?  
YOU DECIDE!  
LEAVE QUESTIONS AND DARES IN THE COMMENTS, AT ZEEMCZED.TUMBLR.COM, OR AT THE EGS THREAD ON /aco/!


	9. TRUTH OR HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES FOREVER (ToHD Timeline?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More truths! More consequences! UNDERPANTS!

"So, I think it's worth saying... when I get to fantasizing, things get a little.... mmm..." Ellen tapped her chin. "Fuzzy. Sure, everything starts crisp and clear, but after a while the fantasy gets jumbled. So at first, sure, I'm thinking about Nanase stroking me all over... maybe rubbing sunscreen on me, maybe something else, but we're on the beach, and damn if the suits aren't just getting in the way, and then Fox's hands are on me too..."

"Wonder what could have caused that little fantasy." Tedd mumbled. They had already arranged for the beach trip - a solid week away from the midwest. Just them, the coastline, and a cabin to themselves. 

"Then all of a sudden there's two more Foxes, and maybe a few of them are starting to lick instead of touch..." She licked her lips slowly to punctuate the sentence. Ashley's cheeks were going red, and she was starting to breathe just a little more audibly. Nanase was clearly enjoying the story, though she was being quieter about it. Fox was as well, but a hand was gingerly stroking along her waistband, fingers threatening to dip lower. Tedd was trying not to stare and failing, as Grace cuddled him - and Elliot was pointedly looking in another direction. Any other direction. Justin, at least, seemed more amused than anything else. "By the time I had my shorts off, I was picturing Grace and Sarah there with us... although it didn't take long for Nanase to pull Grace aside. And by the time they were both face-deep between each other's legs, I was grinding up against Sarah... reeeeal slow..." She let out a single muted chuckle. "It kind of breaks down at that point, because my horny-brain decides that it can't focus on a single fantasy at once. In one Tedd's inside me and I'm whispering for him to not pull out, in another I'm kissing Susan and she's mumbling that she'll tell me when she's had too much contact, and in another I'm just in my room, doing what I'm doing... but Elliot's awake and doing the same thing, and Ashley's right next to him..." She sighed. There was a soft POP from somewhere in the room - from what, no one could quite tell - but it could have been the collective dropping of jaws. "I think the idea of being sandwiched between Justin and Tedd, with Grace in my mouth, was what finally brought me over the edge."

"Oh? Am I getting you off too much in the flesh? Have to go for someone else in your fantasies?" Nanase dropped into a mockingly-hurt tone, a hand over her chest.

"Pfft. I think after what Grace did to you in my daydream... nightdream... whichever, you'd need a little while to recuperate. So there's that, and-" She drew again. Before anyone could recover enough to ask any of the obvious questions about her fantasy. "Ashley! Who was the last person - outside of your family - to see you fully nude?" 

"The, uh... the fitting lady at Miss Demeanor." She coughed. "I got fitted for a custom made corset, and - well, it's better if they get you to wear it as you're going to be."

"...but without panties?" Elliot said what everyone was thinking.

"I - I don't get a lot of prime naked time, and she doesn't judge." She rubbed her arm. That was... not as bad as it could have been. Especially when she pulled the next one. "Uhhh... well, this one's weird."

"How weird?" Justin straightened up.

"For Tedd - did you enjoy Fv5 to... enjoy giving blowjobs?" She turned the question over. Tedd blinked.

"No."

"Really?" Ellen straightened up. Nanase tilted her head to the side. Was this supposed to be telling her something?

"No, I - I just didn't think of it at the time."

"But I've got like... NO gag reflex. I have to TICKLE the back of my throat to get anything. And-"

"That might just be us." Elliot mumbled. Ellen stopped short.

"...and how do you know that?"

"Uhhh..." He grit his teeth. "...that's one for a truth card, not for just... putting out there, right?" 

"Right!" Ashley squirmed. She was fidgeting constantly - seemed something was going on under her skirt. Given her current form, and Ellen's fantasy, it was hard to not imagine what. Tedd pulled. And let out a whistle. 

"Ellen, I think you're treading where man was not meant to know here."

"How do you know it's mine?"

"For Sarah - have you ever had any fantasies about someone you're related to?" Sarah squinted at the dare. At Ellen. Ellen bobbed her eyebrows. Sarah tried not to look at the lie detector, and instead pointed at the dare jar. Ellen grinned.

"That tells me EVERYTHING I wanted to know." Tedd ignored her, instead drawing a slip - and he scratched at the back of his neck.

"It's naked time!" The cheery voice was quite possibly forced, or because of the font. "Strip to your underwear. If you're already in your underwear, get naked." Sarah's eyebrows arched. She looked around the room. Slowly. Letting her eyes linger on everyone. 

"...Grace."

"Yes?"

"Why?"

"Because naked." That was the closest to an explanation she'd get. She stood up, and then realized - so was Susan. She stared at her. Susan blinked, her expression one of 'well what did you expect' - and then she voiced the obvious thought.

"If you strip-"

"Oh. You - you lose an article of clothing, too." Susan shrugged and nodded. She undid the fly of her trousers and pulled them down - and tried to ignore Sarah's gobsmacked expression.

"That is... way sexier than I thought you'd wear under there." Stockings with a lace trim, a garter belt, and black lace panties... bikini-cut. Well, that explained the praise for Tedd's choice.

"Sometimes a girl wants to dress up a little. They're still perfectly functional." She didn't avert her gaze as Sarah shed her clothes. Tedd had seen her naked. Grace had seen her naked. ELLEN had seen - well, Grace naked in her body. But this was still some prime awkward material... Elliot had never seen her (quite) naked, though he'd seen her in her undies, and Nanase...

It was no slow, sensuous strip - more a quick series of tugs before she sat back down, blushing furiously, trying to keep her knees pressed together. Her unmentionables were pretty normal, cutesy pink cotton. She showed more in certain swimsuits than that. But still... Grace bobbed over, kissing her cheek. It did not seem to help things. The reaction from the others was muted at first - and then there was a distant clapping.

Or not distant. Just... tiny.

"...when did you summon Suze?" Ashley stared up at the fairy doll. Susan groaned.

"I didn't. She's been popping in on her own. Though it's usually Nase." She imagined it was something like Elliot's impromptu gender morphing. It was a little horrifying - the doll had flushed cheeks, a distant expression, and was dangling from the light fixture by her knees. She was enjoying it far too much. Sarah just giggled - the tension cut immediately - and drew another slip.

"Okay, I'll toss this one at Grace. Uh..." She squinted at the handwriting. "Are you a whimperer, a hisser, a moaner, or a screamer?" 

"If you're really lucky you'll find out later!" A fuse popped in Sarah's mind. "I mean I'm assuming that someone put some really dirty dares in there and - nah, I'm not answering that. Horrible Consequence me!" She felt around for the bowl, almost afraid to remove her eyes from Grace, and finally pulled a slip. She cleared her throat. 

"Pick someone that is presently the opposite gender you are. You have to exchange genders - and for the rest of the game, if they change genders, you have to be the opposite gender." 

"Easy mode." She sighed. "Elliot, let's do this."

"..za?" 

"Well, it's you or Tedd. Justin's never been the most comfortable with gender morphing, birthday party aside."

"Sure I-" Justin's protest was cut off, Grace hardly registering it.

"Besides, we can do it without getting the gun out." She closed her eyes, and started to warp, going from 'standard issue' to 'Mv5' in a few long seconds, stretching out her jeans and sweater. Elliot sighed and nodded, as he warped from his usual self into a certain busty pinkette. Nanase's eyebrows arched.

"They said 'switch genders', not-"

"I know, I know. I just... don't see a reason not to?" Grace had already drawn another question - that one was a damp one as far as she was concerned.

"Justin - what is your ultimate guilty pleasure?" That one wasn't spicy, but it was interesting at least. He scratched at his neck.

"Flash Gordon."

"Well, that kind of makes sense. The soundtrack was awesome." Tedd nodded sagely, as Justin shook his head.

"Not just the 80's movie. The animated series, 'Defenders of the Earth', the old film serials, the comic strips - even the Sci-Fi Channel show, and that was the worst of them! I follow Flash Gordon fanfic... and there's not really any good reason to." He rubbed his forehead slowly. "They're racist as hell, the gender roles are hamfisted, the plot and pacing are terrible... and I still like it." Without elaboration, he pulled another strip...

"Ellen..." He stopped himself short. "Should I even read this or are you going to go for a dare?"

"Ooh, Consequence away." She rubbed her hands together, and he sighed. 

"Either you just want to get everyone naked, or..." He pulled the slip. And reddened. "Everybody in the room freeze." He looked up. No one was moving. "The target of this consequence must kiss the nearest individual of the opposite gender. With tongue. Lots of tongue." Ellen snickered. Well, that was... actually... she stood and slid into Justin's lap. He blinked. "Isn't Tedd... closer...ish?"

"Nope." Her hands wrapped around his head, and she pulled him into an almost comically overdrawn, sloppy smooch. His eyes bulged - then his brow furrowed, still staring straight ahead as Ellen kissed him, making ridiculous noises the whole while. Yep. That was a lotta tongue. He'd never understood the phrase 'tonsil hockey' until that moment. She pulled back, gasping - and then wiped her tongue with a hand. "Okay, no offense, but - what was that?"

"What was what?"

"You taste weird."

"Oh, the -" He pulled out a package of Hi-Chew. "Durian flavored candy. Creamy-awesome without the stink."

"...it tastes like sweet cheese."

"Kinda?" He grinned. Nanase shook her head a little.

"I think you just horribly let down someone who was aiming for sexy."

"Then they should have let me PICK who I kissed. The best you're going to get with me and Justin is overblown silliness." Not that she didn't think he was sexy, but - well, c'mon. He just wasn't interested, and was never going to BE interested... she drew. And laughed, a single sharp 'HA!'

"Okay, for Sarah - name everyone you've kissed." Sarah hissed briefly. Squinted. And nodded. 

"Okay. Uh... I apologize in advance, but I'm gonna be honest about this... Elliot, of course." He nodded. "Ellen, that... one time that we don't talk about otherwise..." Ellen nodded in turn. "Grace, lots of times. Tedd, fewer times, but... it's happened. Uh... clone forms, you know..." He grinned and shrugged. Really, he COULDN'T be uncomfortable about that anymore. "And Susan." The last words were blurted out, and caused an echo of "WHAT?" from everyone. Except Sarah, who was trying to burrow into a ball, Susan who was rubbing her temples, and Little Suze who was rolling her eyes in melodramatic fashion.

"It was in Junior High." Susan grumbled. "At a sleepover. Sarah wanted to try kissing, and I set aside my... issues briefly. Which was easier before they became entrenched." 

"And before you ask, it wasn't as sexy as you'd think. I-" Sarah stopped short. She glanced at Ashley - who was whimpering and rocking in place, the tent in her skirt... visibly... damp? "Uh... are you-"

"F-fine! Keep... keep going." It took Sarah half a second to recover from that. The realization hit her quickly - oversensitivity plus thinking about Susan, who she clearly thought was awesome, kissing another girl... yeah, she could see that. 

"-I kissed like a gagging goldfish back then, and Susan wasn't... thrilled about it. Though she was a good sport."

"I never said you kissed like a gagging goldfish." 

"Yeah, but I did. Most kids in junior high do." 

"It wasn't terrible. Just... uncomfortable for the usual reasons. Objectively, I'd say that it was probably far above average for a first kiss." The words 'first kiss' slammed into Sarah's brain, and she squirmed again. Yes. Yes, that HAD been the first. And now... ohcrud. They all knew. She'd never live this one down. But at least it hadn't been another dare. She was already half naked, she couldn't... she leaned forward and pulled a truth. 

 

WHAT'S THE NEXT TRUTH TO BE PULLED?  
WILL ASHLEY CREAM HER SKIRT WITHOUT BEING TOUCHED?  
YOU DECIDE!  
SEND DARES AND TRUTHS TO ZEEMCZED.TUMBLR.COM OR POST THEM IN THE COMMENTS!


End file.
